Body image.

Yesterday, a good friend Kate had made a post on body image issues, which spoke to me. Elissa of Dress with Courage made a post on labels in society. Both were strong posts relating to body image. It made me want to make my own post, personal, of what I find wrong with my body image.

Body image has become a problem in many people, especially in young women. People feel pressured by society to maintain a certain image. An image of such power over their fellow persons. This image dictates professionalism, how “hot” (sexy) one is, how attractive they are, and what they are. A sloppy dresser is dictated to being poor and unhealthy. Being rounded says you’re overeating. Being super skinny says you have an eating disorder. But, these are not true.

Sometimes someone is a sloppy dresser, because they simply cannot afford the fashion that the world seems to dictate what we must have. Our world is a complicated place, and body image just adds to the complication.

Hello there world, my name is Keith Rhydderch and I have an issue with my body image.

As stated in a previous post, I introduced myself this world by talking about friendships. I have had a major operation, and struggled with heart problems for my life. I have a hideous scar, a simply large scar across my chest, and tons of smaller scars. No, it isn’t like one of those scars a baby gets when they’re born and needs a simple heart procedure that fade away. My scar is highly visible, and it is also fresh. Luckily, during this last surgery the surgeon removed my old scar to lessen the amount I have.

So, now, I am twenty-two years old with a badly scarred chest. I hate it, and wish I could make it go away. I’d love a plain chest with just skin with no scar. Something… normal. Heart surgery is becoming increasingly common in people; but yet, all of these models and shirtless men we see in our media never have a scar. There is only one character I’ve seen with a large chest scar on television and it was Krusty the Clown. Any character that has heart surgery, yet, miraculously their scar disappears by their pool party 2 weeks after the surgery.

So, that’s my first body image problem. My scarred chest. If I wear a button up shirt, or something that creates a v-neck, my scar is still visible leading to the instant question by people, “What is wrong with you?” I get people stopping and staring at my chest. I’m afraid to show my chest sometimes… because I’m pushed to the center of attention.

Now, my second issue is the “rosy” skin. The cheeks, arms. My cheeks and arms can get bright red, especially my arms. People sometimes think I have a rash. No. I don’t. Yes. I have a bright red spot on my arms. Have since I was a child.

See what I mean? Now, going onto another issue. I’m hard of hearing. I have hideous big hearing aids. Throughout my life they’ve tried to fix my hearing through surgery and different devices, none worked. Finally, a few years ago, they tried a digital hearing aid that made me able to hear so much easier. I heard the sound of leafs cracking for the first time in my life when I was eighteen years old. Yes, that is how much I’ve been missing out on.

The fact that I’ve been deaf to some sounds for so long, probably is why I love Opera music so much more then Country, Metal, Rock, Pop. Opera is loud, and hits notes that can be deafening to people. This was one of the first I was able to hear. I hate having to wear hearing aids sometimes. The main reason is that its because it is visible. This is why I like my hair just long enough to cover the tops of my ears. With that, they cannot be recognized. This brings me to another issue… my hair.

I hate curly hair on men. Guess what? I was cursed with it. I have extremely curly hair that requires a hell of a lot of management to keep it straight or short. Longer my hair gets the more curly it seems to get. I’ve tried gel, mouse, and even professional hair straighteners at a beauty parlor. The curls always come back. It shocked the hair stylist that my curls beat their straighter. As I’m getting older it seems to be less, but, it is still a problem. I wish I had wavy or straight hair, I so badly wish for it.

Now, men are expected to be muscular, strong, and sports like. Well, sports like is starting to drop in our modern world. But, we still expect them to be strong and muscular. Did you guys know I’m not allowed to lift more then twenty pounds? I cannot lift anyone my size like men seem to be able to do so easily. I cannot move heavy furniture, pick up my television. I struggle with picking up my pug whom weights twenty-five pounds. I have no muscles, I wish I did have more. I wish I was more fit. I’d love to be able to run with a friend, and keep up without getting worn out within five minutes.

I am physically weak. But, yet, I’ve experienced so much more pain then many people will ever experience in their entire lives. I’ve went through some of the most painful surgeries known to mankind. I’ve gotten into accidents, etc. I’m a cursed man when it comes to body image, to be honest.

I am cursed. I hate my body at times. Simply hate it. But, it is my body. So, society. Shut up. This is my body. I cannot change it, I’ll deal with it.


Edit: Some people contacted me. Yes, my scar used to be really nice and a really nice straight line. It flattened and seemed to widened/stretched over time. It is perfectly normal for scars to do that. I know, it’s ugly. :/ And no, I cannot recommend any products cause none worked on me. We’re stuck with it for life. :/